Fantastic Failure

About a month ago, I was debating on putting this site on Hiatus, I had hit an all time low in funds, and just couldn't see any movie whatsoever. There was also that little conflict I had with myself about the "Being too generouse" with movie reviews. Yeah well, I then fell into some personal problem and the site just became less and less important. But no more... Hell or high Heaven, there will be an update every Thursday.

Now what I could do today, is give a review to War of the Worlds, not gonna do it. Go see it, it's pretty good. I could also tell you about why you should NOT see Herbie: Fully Loaded, but I would hope that the reasons would be obviouse, so thats a no go either. What I am gonna talk about today is something opening tommorow. Fantastic Four.

A year or two ago, when I first heard of prodiction of Fantastic Four movie, I was a giddy little school boy. I was happy, as it is one of the greatest comics out there, and the posabilities were just endless. Now I stare upon it as a foul and dirty accident left on the rug by a dog.

Lets go with this. Now I understand that in every comic book adaptation, things change to better help the material make the transfer to the silver screen. Spiderman lost his web shooters, the Absorbing Man was Hulks father, Elektra was a smarmy rich daughter. Trust me I understand this, I defend most of this. But the changes made to Fantastic Four is just too much.

It all pretty much revolves around Doom. One of the major.... No, THE majot villian of the entire Fantastic Four series. We first see him as the iron fisted ruler of some eastern Europ country, apparently horrifically scarred by an accident in college, an accident cause by Dr. Reed Richard... Our very own, Mr. Fantastic. Doom swears a vendetta against Reed, for he truley believes that Richard is the reason behind his horrific scars. And thats where his trademark comes. He covers his hidious face, with a mask of metal.
Doom never had any powers. What he had was a genius mind, masterful tactition abilities, and enough monies and subordinates to throw at anything. He created death rays, weapons, ships, robots. He whipped up masterful plans that punished the Fantastic four. If he could help it, he would never throw a punch.

But all that changes. No longer is Doom a dctator, he's some big business owner, who supplies the funds to Richards space project, and for whatever reason, tags along. No longer is he scarred, no longer is he powerless. He can now hurl bolts of lightning around. And wears the mask because it looks cool apparently. No mention of scarring whatsoever.
No more minions or machines, now he's just a powerhouse that for some reason, takes four people to take down. It destroys the very staple that was Fantastic four. And then? A love triangle. Sue Strorm, ex-girlfriend to Richard, either used to Date Doom, or was dating him during the accident. Wow, what drama, what a twist, what craptastic writting. So now that akward storyline is set in place, leads to many many bad lines between Sue and Doom, which are not needed.

Jonny, oh Jonny. The Human Tourch was always the wild one, funny one, always the one spitting out random catch phrases. But the guy just comes off as an annoying dick in any form of prievew I see. A distraction from the main plot as he tries to be cool, funny, and likable at the same time. He will be playing the heart of the conflict within the team, Richard desperatly wants to keep the accident and their powers a secret, Jonny wants to be fame and fortune, thats pretty much it. Both Richard and Jonny come to a middle point, where Richard realizes the need for their powers, and Jonny realizes that he must use his powers for good, instead of fame. See there? I haven't even seen the movie and I already explained n hour and a half worth of plot.

Ben, The Thing. Well, from what I can tell, besides the horrible way they give his "Clobberin' Time" line, is done well enough. I assume it's because The Thing is such a basic character, he can't help but be done right. He's a huge green rocked monster, children fear him, he doesn't like that. Remorse and depression comes, but he still realizes he's gotta kick ass.

Just don't bother with it. The acting looks horrible, the plot laughable, and it will piss off each and every Comic book fan there is. Wait for it to come on TV.

If I am motivated too, I will see it and give a proper review tommorow, I can't make promises.