Geek Vs AVH

And so I make my first review since my return, I actually consider a Public Service Announcement as well as just wanting SOMETHING up here besides my "I'm back" post. The movie I am reviewing is...

AVH Alien vs. Hunter

If you are noticing something slightly familiar don't be surprised... It is in fact what you think it is. A cheap imitation of the AVP sequel. This is the part of the review where I usually start quoting numbers. But I cannot find any. This was a direct to DVD release, and therefore has no box office numbers. The movie is produced by a company called The Asylum, who is no stranger to the rip art of rip off. With movies like I Am Omega, Snakes on a Train, and a Handycam film about a monster attacking a city in Japan called, originally enough, Monster... Which I might actually watch and review next week if I'm feeling self destructive enough.

The movie premise itself is pretty simple, if you've watched AVP Requiem, you already know it. The most deadly alien in the universe lands on Earth, followed by a hunter sworn to take it down. A small town and it's inhabitants get trapped in the crossfires.

This review might not be too thorough as I honestly could not finish watching it. I know it may sound a bit unprofessional, but it was truly unwatchable. I picked this movie up out of morbid curiosity and went in expecting certain things. Bad acting; yes, unoriginal story and boring characters; yes and yes, cheap effects; so many. But I was not expecting such a bland experience. The story, characters, and acting is so dry, so uninvolving that you pray for the aliens to come just so you can get away from the main characters, and perhaps lose a few of them. But when that happens we are treated to an action sequence that consists of the main cast running around quite honestly like crazy people, and most of the time the aliens simply stagger about as if it's hard to move around in their costumes.

The similarities to AVP is never subtle. The alien is a slimey grotesque beast with a long dome like head. The Hunter is a high tech humanoid wearing a sort of battle suit carrying a powerful laser weapon, cloaking capability, and his helmet gives him different types of vision fields.

I cannot in good conscience recommend this movie to anyone. When picking it up a co-worker had chuckled slightly and told me it might be a good movie to MS3K (Mystery Science Theater 3000), meaning a good movie to watch and make fun of... But honestly I can't even say that.

If you ever do find this movie on the shelf of whatever video store you frequent, put it down and walk away. There are too many other B Sci-Fi films which are better than this. It is one of the worst films I have ever seen.

Return of Movie Geek

Okay... Well, I have been away for quite some time. Maybe it's for the best, as my opinions and information of certain movies wouldn't be called... correct. I was debating simply deleting my old posts and starting anew. But I don't think I will, those were my early attempts at doing something I had never done previously. I think I should own up to them. "Yes. I was once a novice. I made mistakes, though now I am better."

Least I hope I am.

Why have I brought back a blog I haven't updated in nearly three years? A couple reasons actually. I need a place to hone my writing skills, I want to become better, and sometimes it's hard to motivate yourself into doing it. This will give me a chance to write, while doing something I enjoy doing, talking about movies.

The second reason is that I am now financially more secure (sort of) than I was when I wrote this before. I also have a new job which gives me better access to movies (Blockbuster). This means I will always have access to SOME form of movie to review.

I will still be doing Theater movies, but it's not a guaranteed. I simply am unable to get to the theaters as much as I'd like. Hopefully if all goes well, I will have an Iron Man review for you tomorrow night.

Hopefully I can keep this thing going, hopefully I can improve not only my writing skills but my opinion and view of movies in general... Hopefully someone will actually read this.

Fantastic Failure

About a month ago, I was debating on putting this site on Hiatus, I had hit an all time low in funds, and just couldn't see any movie whatsoever. There was also that little conflict I had with myself about the "Being too generouse" with movie reviews. Yeah well, I then fell into some personal problem and the site just became less and less important. But no more... Hell or high Heaven, there will be an update every Thursday.

Now what I could do today, is give a review to War of the Worlds, not gonna do it. Go see it, it's pretty good. I could also tell you about why you should NOT see Herbie: Fully Loaded, but I would hope that the reasons would be obviouse, so thats a no go either. What I am gonna talk about today is something opening tommorow. Fantastic Four.

A year or two ago, when I first heard of prodiction of Fantastic Four movie, I was a giddy little school boy. I was happy, as it is one of the greatest comics out there, and the posabilities were just endless. Now I stare upon it as a foul and dirty accident left on the rug by a dog.

Lets go with this. Now I understand that in every comic book adaptation, things change to better help the material make the transfer to the silver screen. Spiderman lost his web shooters, the Absorbing Man was Hulks father, Elektra was a smarmy rich daughter. Trust me I understand this, I defend most of this. But the changes made to Fantastic Four is just too much.

It all pretty much revolves around Doom. One of the major.... No, THE majot villian of the entire Fantastic Four series. We first see him as the iron fisted ruler of some eastern Europ country, apparently horrifically scarred by an accident in college, an accident cause by Dr. Reed Richard... Our very own, Mr. Fantastic. Doom swears a vendetta against Reed, for he truley believes that Richard is the reason behind his horrific scars. And thats where his trademark comes. He covers his hidious face, with a mask of metal.
Doom never had any powers. What he had was a genius mind, masterful tactition abilities, and enough monies and subordinates to throw at anything. He created death rays, weapons, ships, robots. He whipped up masterful plans that punished the Fantastic four. If he could help it, he would never throw a punch.

But all that changes. No longer is Doom a dctator, he's some big business owner, who supplies the funds to Richards space project, and for whatever reason, tags along. No longer is he scarred, no longer is he powerless. He can now hurl bolts of lightning around. And wears the mask because it looks cool apparently. No mention of scarring whatsoever.
No more minions or machines, now he's just a powerhouse that for some reason, takes four people to take down. It destroys the very staple that was Fantastic four. And then? A love triangle. Sue Strorm, ex-girlfriend to Richard, either used to Date Doom, or was dating him during the accident. Wow, what drama, what a twist, what craptastic writting. So now that akward storyline is set in place, leads to many many bad lines between Sue and Doom, which are not needed.

Jonny, oh Jonny. The Human Tourch was always the wild one, funny one, always the one spitting out random catch phrases. But the guy just comes off as an annoying dick in any form of prievew I see. A distraction from the main plot as he tries to be cool, funny, and likable at the same time. He will be playing the heart of the conflict within the team, Richard desperatly wants to keep the accident and their powers a secret, Jonny wants to be fame and fortune, thats pretty much it. Both Richard and Jonny come to a middle point, where Richard realizes the need for their powers, and Jonny realizes that he must use his powers for good, instead of fame. See there? I haven't even seen the movie and I already explained n hour and a half worth of plot.

Ben, The Thing. Well, from what I can tell, besides the horrible way they give his "Clobberin' Time" line, is done well enough. I assume it's because The Thing is such a basic character, he can't help but be done right. He's a huge green rocked monster, children fear him, he doesn't like that. Remorse and depression comes, but he still realizes he's gotta kick ass.

Just don't bother with it. The acting looks horrible, the plot laughable, and it will piss off each and every Comic book fan there is. Wait for it to come on TV.

If I am motivated too, I will see it and give a proper review tommorow, I can't make promises.

Have Towel, Will Travel.

Okay so here's the deal. The single reason that I have not posted in a long time, is because I've been giving the impression of being too generous, all the movies I have so far reviewed, have gotten a very generously good review. I seem biased, so I held off until I saw a movie I deemed bad enough to warn people about. But as my dollar has been short, I really wasn't inclined to throw money at something I wasn't gonna enjoy, and all the bad movies I've seen on TV were either shut off, or too old to even bother. But the good news is, is that I have been transferred to a better store, and the money flow has become much better, that and I plan to shoot for a Thursday update regardless of whether I've seen a movie or not. This will be spent to just generally discuss the goings on of Hollywood and the Movie Industry in general.

Now, I do have a review, and to be damned with bad movies, I'm not gonna let that hold me back when there are so many movies that have potential, finally coming out. I have already missed my chance to review Constantine and Sin City because I wanted to put a bad movie first. This day, I will review




The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, now the Box Office numbers have yet to be released for today, so I have not yet gotten them to put here, but when I do get them I will post them.
*Edit: Numbers are in. The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy made on opening night $8,100,000, totally destroying XXX2 by nearly double, and went on to make $21,707,000 to date for their opening weekend. Not too shabby.

The Guide is getting some pretty strong recognition as a good movie, but of course, there are the Book Fans that have instantly labeled it as a "Oh No." I've read the book more times than I can count, and love it entirely, but I am someone who understands that the adaptation from book to movie is shaky and there has to be differences. Its two forms of media. But I have this warning to anyone who walks in expecting an exact adaptation.... IT IS DIFFERENT. Way different, this is only as to put enough into it to make a movie, and smooth out the plot that stretches five books, into a nice two hour movie. The problem with the book is that it's short enough to fill about an hour, and ends on one major cliffhanger. Please don't expect to see the exact book on the screen. If you wanna see that, there's a very nice Mini-Series on DVD right now that does it well.

Moving on, the changes are far from bad. This movie was in production for a long while (more so preproduction for a while) and Douglas Adams himself wrote the screenplay before he passed away, these are all his ideas, and stay true to the Brit humor that all his fans love.

The movie starts on a Thursday, the worst Thursday ever in fact, in a small town in England, where we find Arthur Dent (Martin Freeman) an average man who is about to go on a very unaverage adventure. See Arthur happened to be friends with Ford Prefect (Mos Def) who is not an Earthling, but an alien man from a planet somewhere in the proximity of Betelgeuse. Arthur once saved Ford's life, so Ford repays the favor. The Earth is promptly destroyed. We follow Arthur and Ford, as well as Zaphod Beeblebrox (Sam Rockwell), Trillian (Zooey Deschanel), and Marvin the Paranoid Robot (Warwick Davis, Voiced by: Alan Rickman) as they travel the Galaxy in the stolen ship; The Heart of Gold.

As said before, the movie deviates from the book plot to fill in a gap, but otherwise stays amazingly true to the books with many exact quotes. The new material and the old flow seamlessly, giving the movie a feel of consistency throughout. The humor stays true to its British origins, giving quite a few Brit references, such one being "Leave this to me. I'm British, I know how to queue."
One of the greatest moves was of course Marvin, the Paranoid Robot. There is no man alive who could voice him better than Alan Rickman; his drulling English accent is pretty much to a T what I had when reading the books so long ago. His lines, straight out of the books and new to the screen, got some of the best responses. His stubby body and large head was what Douglas was quoted as saying he really wanted Marvin to look like, rather than the way he appeared in the Miniseries.

Overall the movie did really well in keeping Adam's legacy alive, and I would have to say, the only real problem I had was they never explained WHY the towel was important ;) But all the book readers should know that in advanced. I also notices, that alot of the movie seemed to have made the cut, as we see certain things in the Trailers, that don't appear in the movie. But that only makes good for DVD extras, and Director's Cuts.

8 out of 10 Go watch it, right now.

Expect a new post on Thursday, right now this sass frood needs to get some sleep.

Constant Watchings.

Again, I apologize in the latency of updates. I was going to write my expectations of Elektra, but on the opening night, I heard so many "It Sucks" my heart fluttered and the inspiration died. I am also having a lot of trouble writing up my next two reviews, as they are very similar for one reason. I haven't decided to separate them in two posts, or make a double review... But they are coming, and one of the movies actually just came out!

But on to other news, and the real reason of this post. This has brought a rather BIG smile to my face, as it is one of my favorite Graphic Novels. I've also heard very good things about David Hayter, the writer, and how he has made the Screenplay as close to the Novel as humanly posable. This is an odd thing though, ad it was just the other day that me and my friend were discussing Constantine, and I mentioned that The Watchmen would be an awesome to film movie.

Constantine, coming a week this Friday. I have never read the Graphic Novel, though I heard VERY good things about it. This fact of course, may make my opinion of the movie slightly skewed from someone who has read it. But I really don't think that's the point of Comic/Book movies. I believe that, more so than to enthrall old fans with characters they know on the silver screen, the movies are made to draw in a new fanbase. How many people have read The Lord of the Ring since the movies. Before then I could honestly say I never saw the book on the shelf of my book store, but now, there are two racks reserved for the different styles of the book, and any other Tolkien story the stores can get a hold of.

But the book aside. I am actually looking forward to this. As I know of, this is really the first Graphic Novel to jump the big screen since the Comic Book Movie fad boomed in with X-Men. And Keanu Reeves defiantly looks like a good pick for this role, with his Action/Sci-fi background of the Matrix, he is no stranger to the philosophy of Religion, and the kick ass style of a warrior. This is a man who went from being a brainless Cali-Surfer in a time traveling Phone Booth, to being the savior of humanity in a world of virtual reality. The man defiantly has some skill.

So, High expectations for Constantine, ecstatic for more Watchmen info, and two new reviews coming soon.


IN OTHER NEWS!!! This is not a joke, Nick, again a bit behind in the ways of the world, have taken in the "Classics to DVD" trend, and is starting it's Rewind Collection with Clarissa Explains it All. I suggest anyone who wants to see the GOOD nick shows again buy this, so that they won't decide against releasing

Butterfly Nets

Sorry for the whole not posting again thing, lately I haven't seen any movies on TV that have inspired a review from me... And my theater budget is little to none, so no new movies there either. But I have just watched a movie that has struck me in the brain, and the brain has a large part to do with this particular movie...




THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT


The Butterfly Effect. This movie was another that was rather harshly town by the critics, but still managed to pull in $57,650,876 total in the box offices, and stayed in the top ten for five straight weeks. Not too shabby if you think about it.

Now, you must realize that this is not a movie for the light hearted, this thing is dark, and for what seems to be for no reason than being dark. We have everything from Pedophilia, to Doggy cooking. If you could sum this movie up in one phrase, I would have to say it is a psychological Moshpit.

The movie is about Evan Treborn(Ashton Kutcher), who as a child had several blackouts during traumatic times of his life. Through a psychologists suggestion, Even has been keeping journals since he was seven to help with memory. Through reading these journals he learns he can go back, and actually change the events that happened during the blackouts... But when his change turns for the worst, Even is thrown in a never ending spiral downwards as he attempts to fix his mistakes, and only succeeds in making things ten times worse with every change...

This movie does great with what it aims at, psychological ware, and shock value. In every change we are subjected to another characters pain at the fault of Evan, every change we see something so outstanding, it makes us breath heavy as he changes again, and makes it so it never happened. This movie tugs at your heart, and your mind as it has no regard for the main character's well being as, they'll be changed in the next switch, so we see everything from murders, and prostitution, all the way up to psychosis and missing limbs. And every change seems to make it worse, as the strain on Evan's brain increases as more memories try to fill his brain.

This movie raises a lot of very interesting questions about the chain of events our actions create, and just how much our small off handed responses may effect another's life drastically, The Butterfly Effect and Chaos Theory in it's essence.

The movie falters slightly though, as it has some minor plot holes including the switches, one including the fact that he has someone else's memories flash by, for no reason better then the lack of narration to show it... The plot is also a little troubling to follow, if you're not ready to be deeply involved in the movie straight through...

So if you're looking for a movie where a guy magically gets the power to change the past, and continues to change it cause he just "can't get it right dang nabbit!" Then step away, if you're looking for a movie that treats you like an adult as we look into a world of sadistic minds and mental illness, then saddle up, this one's for you!

9 out of 10, if you're into the mental stuff, pick this up... I also suggest the Directors Cut, unfortunately I haven't seen it, but I heard it was much better then the Theatrical release...



For the future. I plan on somehow getting the cash to see White Noise, A Series of Unfortunate Events, and Elektra. Speaking of Elektra, expect a small paragraph coming soon of my expectations/hopes. I liked Dare Devil (Though I can admit that was a rather big flop) and I hope this one can impress...

X Marks the Spot!

First meetings, and as all Firsts do, this shall probably suck. It's awkward, at this point you're probably reading through the Archives, as I most defiantly don't have any readers now, and I'm still trying to settle into a style... But what is this site? Well it's my little corner of the Internet reserved for my movie Reviews, as I need a place outside of my Online Journal to stick them.

But who am I you ask? I'm glad you asked...I am nothing more than a small town Joisee boy with a boredom problem, a lot of time on my hands, and considers myself to be somewhat of a Movie Buff. That and I also love to write, so these aspects eventually developed into an interest in Movie Critique(something of which I have no idea how to get into professionally) so I designed this spot to work out my style and ability as a reviewer. But enough with the Chit Chat, onto the first review! Which is...



NATIONAL TREASURE


National Treasure. It's been getting some pretty harsh reviews by Critics, mostly dealing with it's "ridiculous" plot, and the lack of any depth in said plot. Yet it still managed to pull in $35,142,554 opening weekend, stayed the #1 movie in America for three weeks straight, being beaten by only Blade: Trinity, and Oceans Twelve in the fourth week, and pulling in a grand total so far of $124,071,959. So it's obviously doing something right...
What you have to realize walking into National Treasure is, that it's a popcorn flick. It's an Action/Adventure movie, with aspects of Comedy, and Mystery/Drama. This is the type of movie you just need to shut your brain off for, and enjoy the pretty colors. And it does a damn fine job in that aspect.
The plot is pretty simple, as an action movie plot should be. But it builds up to a nice complexity, that it comes out really well in a story... Ben Franklin Gates(Nicholas Cage) has only one dream, to find the treasure that has labeled his family as Crazy, as for generations they have been searching for a treasure left behind by the forefathers, a treasure that had been building for centuries before that, said to be more then any one man could spend... Gates has finally found the clue he has been searching for... There's only one problem, it's hidden on the back of the declaration of Independence.
This movie really did well... It flowed nicely, keeping each and every clue both true to history, but fitting the complex puzzle set up before it. Every piece of the trail is something we've all learned about in history, The Declaration of Independence, the Liberty Bell, and so on. And the Acting is very good, as I was sitting in the most horrid theater I have ever had the privilege of occupying, I was constantly in the story, paying close attention, it really grabs you with the delivery...
Overall this movie was very good, and isn't getting the credit it deserves. Simply because it doesn't have a thick, complex plot, wonderful story crafting, and a nice moral or twist ending. Don't get me wrong, I love thought provoking movies, but every now and again we all have to unwind, and enjoy some mindless explosions, of which there are only a few. But this movie is still pulling through very well despite it's constant thrashing. So just go out, and enjoy it...
8 out of 10: Defiantly worth a theater viewing.




Now onto more business. This site may or may not be updated on a regular basis, and will probably contain more older movies than ones still in theater depending on my budget. It may also take a few days to a few weeks for certain movie reviews depending on my schedualing abilities... I am always taking suggestions, and donations as well. I know it may sound cheap asking for money, but a guy's gotta make a living. If you're interedted in making a donation just contact me. I'll have Donation info up on the site soon enough.
This site is also not Review limited, any movie related topic I feel like ranting about will most likely end up here, and maybe some stuff that has nothing to do with movies at all. Whatever my twisted mind feels like spewing onto the keyboard.